Gabby’s Top Ten Stupid Laws – by Gabby Fringette
Nobody likes being told what to do, even if there’s a penalty. But most of you probably wouldn’t willfully break the law. But, I’ve come across a couple of really, really stupid laws, that probably nobody pays attention to anyway. I’ve done one like this before, but there are just so many, we need a refresher.
1. Let’s start where federal laws are spawned. Everyone knows Washington D.C loves to screw us, and does it in many creative ways. However, it’s illegal to get creative with screwing in D.C! All positions except for Missionary are banned in the country’s capital.
2. It is illegal country-wide for a minor to sext, even if they are the age of consent in their state. It’s counted as child pornography. So a 17-year old in my state could totally get laid, but not talk dirty over Messenger. Solid logic.
3. This one, I don’t even want to know why this is even a law, but in Minnesota, it’s illegal to have sex with a live fish. Dead ones are fine. But not live ones. Why is this even a thing?
4. In Alaska, it’s illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. First off, when did this happen, why was a live moose on the plane in this first place, and DO YOU HAVE PICTURES?
5. Another one from Alaska. In Juneau, you can’t let your pet flamingo into a barbershop. Yes, you read that right. If you have a pet flamingo, it is not allowed into a barbershop. It’s illegal within city lines. Again, I wonder how this happened. Why is this freakishly specific law a thing? But the good news is, your pet flamingo is welcome in any barbershop in the state so long as it’s outside of Juneau.
6. I’m going to attack California right now. As you can guess, the list is as long as your arm. But, one town in particular caught my attention: in the city of Carmel, it is illegal for men to wear pants and a jacket that do not match, and women cannot wear high heels within city limits. For awhile it was illegal to eat ice cream while standing on the sidewalk, but this was repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor.
7. In Chico, if you detonate a nuclear bomb you must pay a $500 dollar fine.
8. In Eureka, near where my family lived for awhile, it’s illegal for a man with a mustache to kiss a woman.
9. Sex toys are illegal in Reno Nevada.
10. One list I saw put Alabama’s 5-minute vote limit as their #1 stupid law. For Alabama I’d put their legal incestuous marriages. This isn’t English Monarchy and this isn’t Game of Thrones. Go meet people outside your family.
There are heaps more. I swear I’m not making this up, these are just my top ten or so.