by: Gobbi L. Turkey
So, Carrie’s out this week, as she’s busy with some kind of horrific display of whimsical madness in her kitchen. I’m assuming it’s for this up-coming holiday you humans call ‘Thanksgiving’. Me? I’m typing this from a dark corner in her pantry, trying to save myself from the slaughter. So far, only her dog has picked up my scent, and, much to my relief, the dog (unlike the cats) can’t manage to open this door…yet. If this holiday of giving thanks is to be followed by us turkeys, then I’m going to add my list of things that I am thankful for. It’s a short list. OK, there are only 2 things on that list. Vegetarians, and Vegans. I’m extremely thankful for them. Sadly, those types of humans do not live in this house, and I fear that I will soon be discovered.
Speaking of which, this pantry really isn’t all that bad, as far as pantries go. I mean, there are house plants, and tons of baking supplies. Oh, and a LOT of reading material. Mostly cook books, but there are a few handy mechanic journals, and some random book about a human named ‘Churchill’. I haven’t yet figured out why that would be next to the cook books, but at this point, I’m sure it really doesn’t matter. This solitude, however, has left me with much ado about nothing, so I’ve taken to perusing the cook books. One night, as I was browsing through some soup recipes, I over heard the humans talking about this stuff they call ‘brine’. They said it was good for turkeys. A bath perhaps? A massage? I’m not sure, but I looked it up, and sure enough, I found a recipe for brine. So, I’m going to share it with you.
So, apparently, it’s fairly simple. You have 1 gallon of water, 2 cups of Kosher salt (I’ve never heard of a Kosher ocean, but whatever), 1 1/2 cups of dark brown sugar, 12 whole cloves, 3 bay leaves, 1 Tbls. Whole black peppercorns, 1 1/2 tsp. Dried rosemary and 2 1/2 tsp dried thyme. So, it looks like you bring the water to a boil, stir in the salt and sugar (until it’s dissolved), bring to a boil again (good gravy there’s a lot of boiling to this), add the rest of the stuff into the water, reduce heat to medium-low, and cook for about 20 minutes. Then, throw it into the fridge until it’s completely cooled. Oh wait, it says here that the container you place this brine stuff in should be large enough to hold your turkey, and ‘non-reactive’. Good idea there, as I think the turkey will be reacting enough as it is. So, you put a thawed turkey (OMG they deep freeze us first!?) into the brine, and add enough cool water to cover the turkey with liquid. Refrigerate over night. Remove from brine, and let it sit awhile before roasting.
OK, well, um, it looks like I won’t be brining myself any time soon. Not if I have to be defrosted beforehand. I don’t want to be frosted to begin with. That’s the snowman’s job, not mine, and it’s not even December yet! Oh no! I think one of the cats heard me. I need to hide. Have a happy Thanksgiving everyone!