Gabby Fringette 7/24/13

Fighting with Food

By Gabby Fringette

As I ate the last of three pieces of pizza, I could hear my arteries cursing at me (is there a pill for cursing arteries?) Then after a stomach ache which resulted in a mountain-shaking session in the “library”, it occurred to me I need to eat veggies.

Problem: I do not like veggies. We don’t cook them much, the last veggies we got stayed in the fridge so long they started screaming when we took them out; I couldn’t bring myself to throw them in boiling water.  We had celery grubs; the celery made the grubs taste funny.

I know veggies are important and they sustain life, whole species live off of veggies.  Then I eat those species. I put catsup on them, and that’s my veggie.

Some people eat nothing but veggies too. They don’t seem to see the importance of a well-rounded diet.  We have sharp teeth in our mouths for the ripping of flesh. Why would we have them if we ate nothing but squash?

I love veggies, that’s why I don’t eat them. People who hate veggies are the ones who are vegetarians.

Now, fruit is different, it’s tasty, even actual non flavoring fruit.  Fruit is good for you; it keeps your bowels moving, and gives you nutrients. Of course, you have to eat other things; otherwise you’ll end up putting a TV on the wall in front of your toilet so you don’t fall asleep.

I would say ‘good bye and don’t forget to eat your veggies, kids’ but I hate hypocrites.

Good bye

Gabby Fringette 7/17/13

Gabbless

By Gabby Fringette

First let me say you’ve been a great audience.  You have laughed at my funny Gabbies, and tolerated my boring ones and the disaster scenarios (hey, it could happen).

I have been writing Gabby for two years now, and each time it gets harder to come up with ideas.

I hope I’ve met your expectations, but keep in mind I’m still a kid. And writing is hard.

It’s a beautiful morning out, the sun is shining on the trees, and all the plants are melding together to create a perfume that cannot be matched by anything bought.  I still want to go play, it’s summer, I want to go swimming, play in the warm grass, climb on trees, read books, and goof off.

I still like writing Gabbies, but I need some down time.

The news is depressing, who wants to read that in the middle of the week? Cooking columns are boring, who has time? I’m not so little any more so reading about my point of view is boring too.  It is so very hard to be funny. No matter how much anybody likes their job, it’s nice to have a week off.

You’re a great audience, and I hope you like reading Gabby.

Gabby Fringette 7/10/13

Deep thoughts on gravel

By Gabby Fringette

I was instructed by the Managing Editor to write ‘deep thoughts about gravel,’ so, here I go.

First, to understand the gravel, we must go deep, deep into the earth.  All rock is recycled through the earth and turned into new rock.  The earth’s crust gets pulled into subduction zones and because it is cool, it sinks through the mantle and into the core, where it melts.

The inner earth is made up of magma, which is solid, but it is fluid* so it moves around in the core. Now our rock has been heating for a couple million years, now it is hot enough to float. I know, right? Floating rock. The hottest rock floats first, it doesn’t stay with the other rock it came down with.

If the hot rock floats, how come the core doesn’t float?

Because the pressure is so great that the core is forced to stay hot, but also it is pressed into the center. Also there is no up or down there, so that helps.

Now our rock is floating to the nearest volcano, hot spot, ridge, plume, or vent.

But wait! That is how you get things like obsidian! The lava (it’s lava now, not magma, lava above ground, magma below) cools quickly and the crystals don’t have time to form, so you get glassy smooth heavy brittle rocks.

There are other ways to get gravel. Gravel can be conglomerate, igneous, or sedimentary.

Sand and pebbles and other bits or rock and mineral can get washed into streams and rivers, and then get layered over with other bits of mud, and the weight presses the mud into rock, over a long long long time.

This is only the tip of the volcano, there are more ways that gravel can be formed, it’s just whatever local rock can be blown up and used.

*Liquid and fluid are two different things.

Editors note: Gabby has spent two days shoveling gravel with her father, they insist they are not burying a body, however Gabby was using this as an excuse not to write… causing the instruction to write about Gravel. She was much nicer about the gravel than I would have been…

Gabby Fringette 7/3/13

7/3/13

Netflix: a monopoly on entertainment

By Gabby Fringette

I used to think Netflix was good. Now it’s put every thing we ever wanted to see on short wait. Entire series from MASH to Third Rock from the Sun, are on short wait.

I have tried to balance our queue so that we get some cerebral movies for certain members in the family, and some entertaining movies, for every one else in the family.  But Netflix messes this up, giving us all intellectual, boring, unbearable films.

But why are movies so important to us?

Movies are stories.  They tell us how to live, and they entertain us (the good ones).  They also offer and escape for stuff in the real world, and our problems in the real world.

Our first theory on why Netflix is jamming out queue, is that they were trying to force us to streaming or blu-ray by sending only tedious remakes of classics and a movies of smart guys who are out of their field trying to figure out if god exists.

But, we found the real reason.  Netflix has been doing this for years, since it started.  It puts short waits on most of the movies in a person’s queue, because she or he is getting the maximum she or he can out of the subscription. It costs money for posting and handling the movies, and they have a limited number of physical DVDs. Netflix makes the most money off someone who paid for a subscription but gets only a few movies a month. We are not those people.  We found out that this is called throttling. There was a big lawsuit a while back over throttling. Netflix changed their contract. Now you can’t sue them for throttling.

netflix evil!!

Don’t even bother looking for other movie rentals.  Brick-and-mortar movie rentals have been blowing away like leaves on a windy day in fall, ever since Neflix opened.  Even Blockbuster is almost out of business. Do you get how serious this is?

We have three choices:

1. Leave Netflix and go to floundering Blockbuster, which is not very economical.

2.Leave Netflix and learn how to live without movies.

3.Watch the boring French ‘comedies’ they send.

4.Or delete all the movies you don’t really want to watch. Easier said than done if you have 250 movies on your queue.

Let’s face it- Netflix has a monopoly on entertainment, and they are abusing their power!

Gabby Fringette 6/26/13

X; a mystery

By Gabby Fringette

X over x-1 + 2/3 = 2 over x-1

I know I had a quest not to learn anything over the summer, but then my report card came, now I have a quest to learn algebra.

The equation is simple enough, you just have to add 2 over X-1 to both sides, then subtract it twice, then invert and multiply 2/3 and X over x-1, then invert and divide the sums, to get 74/0 on the left side, and 3X on the right.

Now, so far the problem is going well, not so much of a problem as an annoyance, but one thing nagged at me.  What is up with X?

X always wants to be alone; does X have a secret?

Why do the other numbers keep getting knocked off? Is that X’s secret?

And why are there more Xses? Is X multiplying?  Are the number slashings crimes of passion?

I guess I won’t know ‘till the end of the math annoyance, when X’s true identity is revealed

Back to the math annoyance, now I have

3X =74/0

Next we multiply 3X by –3X, then divide that sum by –74, then we add –3 to 74/0 then multiply by 36 (exactly half of 74 in algebra), and that leaves us with 

900,000,000,000,000X= -π

Whoa! Did you see that? 3X just 9 trilionthed*

Now I’m thinking that maybe X is just unlucky.  Maybe in the beginning X over X-1 was walking across the road with 2/3 to get to 2 over X-1, when a car came and killed 2/3, and disfigured X over X-1 turning him into 3x, then a small bomb went off disfiguring 2 over X-1.  Like the beginning of a French movie.  Maybe X is sad and that’s why he wants to be alone.

Now to solve the mystery, I must solve the problem.  Now I divide 900,000,000,000,000 by 1/8 of zero, to get – π, which I multiply by 69, to get 1!

X is one! He cleverly disguised himself by subtracting him self in the beginning, and when his cover was blown when he was disfigured, he needed to be alone so he could disguise him self- oh! No! My dyseksia-dislexia-diyslecia- dyslexia acted up, so I forgot I was supposed to multiply – π by positive 98g instead of negative 98g! So the real answer to the problem is 8/5! Oh, well, so much for my theory.

* Between 8 trilionthed and 10 trilionthed.

Gabby Fringette 6/19/13

Halitosis

By Gabby Fringette

When I said “good morning” to my brother, and he dove under a couch cushion and said:

“Your breath smells like you poop from your mouth!”

I hope he was exaggerating.  I did some research and found that bad breath is called “halitosis” and my brother may have Halitophobia, or a fear of my bad breath.

But what causes bad breath?

There are several causes:

Bacteria growing on food that’s on the teeth, tongue or gums create odor like rotting garbage.

This is also known as plaque. Plaque grows on our teeth at all times of the day, but at night we don’t use our mouths, the plaque smell builds up.  That is why halitosis is worst after waking (hence ‘morning breath’), and goes away after eating.

The nose. Sometimes postnasal drip (ugh) can cause halitosis, the constant bacteria building up.

The stomach can give off smells.  The digestion of food, especially garlic, can cause gasses, coming up into the mouth as it is exhaled.

Halitosis can also be symptom of liver disease, or sinus infection.

This earns a double ‘ugh’.

How do you know how bad your breath is?

It you have no willing participants, (if they ran away, that should be a clue) you can try scraping your tongue with a plastic spoon.  Smell the residue (ugh) and decide how bad it is.

As it turns out, licking the back of your wrist and smelling that does not work well.

Cures:

Have you ever seen a romantic movie where two lovers kiss passionately when they wake up? We can only guess what they did with those mouths, or what their breath smells like.

Well, in ancient Asia lovers would chew the betel berry to rid them selves of bad breath.   It also gets you high, so that was a big part.

It also is poisonous (ugh, of course).

Mouth wash does not cure halitosis, it only covers the smell.

There are many bogus cures, but I suggest brushing your teeth, to get rid of the smell. But that’s just me.

I for one, would rather have bad breath than no breath.

Gabby Fringette 6/15/13

Working hard, not to work

By Gabby Inc.

You all know about my quest not to learn anything his summer.  What none of us did know was that Mom the saintly, reads my gabbies.  So now she set up an algebra summer school.  While I can’t avoid that, I can avoid The Old Man’s attempts to get me to learn and work.

Listen to this:

The Old Man: Gabby, it’s time to write gabby.

Me: ok, can I start some music?

The Old Man: yeah, put some of this on. I can’t write if I hear your Popcorn music.

Me: but this stuff is depressing. It’s ok for the stuff you write, but it sounds like the music they play in movies when the hero goes into a coma.

Mom: no it’s not! It’s just a little quiet.

Me: can ether of you hear it? It’s the stuff that’s played when the depressing movie hero’s ma gets in a car crash!

The Old Man: How about this, is this depressing?

Me: No, this is the music that’s played when a hero goes into the forest and sees the forest spirit.

Mom: wow, you see stuff in the music, it weaves stories for you?

Me: yeah, want to know what happens next?

Mom: sure.

That worked for a while, but then Mom caught on.

Sometimes The Old Man’s attempts to teach me are solo acts. Then I rely on my cunning combined with things in my environment.

Such as the bathroom.

Oldy: ok, if your going to be an adult, you’re going to have to learn how to survive. One thing you might not think of is how to identify-

Me: I have to go to the bathroom.

Oldy: ok.

I’m back now, and his jaw unhinges for max word flow, like a python swallowing a deer.

Oldy: as I was saying, you can’t go to the-

Me: I need a drink of water. Be back in a sec.

It’s important not to use the bathroom card to many times.

Oldy: to preserve your money, you have to be able to identify sy-

Me: did you remember to close the shed door last night?

Oldy: I don’t know-

Me: I’ll check.

I walk, slowly, check the door. (I knew it was shut). And come back.

Oldy: as I was saying, you need to know the-

Me: I have to go to the bathroom again.

He was looking suspicious when I came back.

Oldy: you know, using the bathroom a lot is a symptom of many serious diseases like-

Me: did you know that the toothpaste looks like denture cream? Are you just mentally preparing yourself by buying it?

Oldy: no. It’s just the least chemically and the cheapest. So as I was saying-

Me: it’s lunchtime!

I will do a lot of stuff to avoid working. I have found arguments and distraction on the shell of a sunflower seed.

But one thing I won’t do is chores. It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s just that my mind kicks in and I do stuff so that I spend more energy on avoiding it than I would on it.

After all, my motto is “working hard, not to work.”

I could be a manager!

Dishes are my chore.

And dishes are all I do. No really. There has to be a written order submitted twenty-four hours in advanced, on a workday for me to do the counter or the microwave, or the stove.   I am not lazy. I hide dishes, yes, I have gotten more creative since mom found the cookie sheet under the claw foot bathtub.

Occasionally, though, I do have to get forks and spoons out of my guitar.

Unfortunately. I have learned.

Despite my best efforts, I learned how to embroider, the ancient Greek word for ‘ruin’ (olethros, in case you’re wondering), and about ‘rise over run,’ in linear equations.

I knew something would olethros my plot of ignorance sooner or later.

Gabby Fringette 6/5/13

Run, the salami sandwich is going to kill you

by Gabby Fringette

Salami is a European way of storing meat, originally made by peasants because they had little fresh meat.  It stores well, even at room temperature.

We like to eat salami because it has salt, fat, and taste smoky.

Even farther back than the peasants of Europe, when our ancestors didn’t normally live past thirty, in the time of Neanderthals, humans and Neanderthals ate whatever they could find. They ate things vegans would approve of, like roots, nuts, and greens, but they also are rotten meat.  Some of the rotten meat was fermented, and we like this stuff more than just rotten.  The fermented stuff kills lesser bacteria that kills us.

Then, over hundreds of years, it turned into the salami, ham, and sausage we know and love today.

Now for the bad part.  As it turns out, the smoked and fermented stuff kills us too. But it takes longer to kill us than it does the bacteria.

In a study conducted in Europe, with half a million participants, people who had more than 20g of bacon, salami, sausage or other processed meat were twenty percent more likely to die of heart disease, or cancer, than vegans were.

A different (smaller) study found that people who ate red meat were thirteen percent more likely to die of cancer or heart disease.

Bummer, huh?

As if that’s not enough, the smokey flavor in salami can cause cancer too.

Nobody noticed back then because something else always got them.

Studies also found that people who ate lots of salami, bacon, ham, sausage, and all that tasty stuff were less likely to eat fruits and veggies, exercise less, and drink and smoke more.  Maybe some of the heart disease and cancer was caused by the lack of exercise and all that booze.

But still, to much is bad for you.

Moderation is the key, (but I am not giving up salami!)

Gabby Fringette 5/29/13

Ms. Sasquatch

By Gabby Fringette

First I would like to start this gabby by saying Hi! to all my friends, and: brace yourselves.

Saquatch. Another name is Big foot.  Big foot is a large hairy ape-like creature with large feet.

Three years ago, I never would have imagined that a third name for Sasquatch would be ‘Gabby’.

I knew I had an Italian grandma, and I always wondered why she wore a fur coat under her jacket.  It turns out that she never owned a mahogany fur coat, there just wasn’t wax when those pictures were taken.

When I walked down the street and people began film me and started trying to give me fruit, and saying ‘here Sasquatch, good monkey’, I knew it was time to do something about my hair.

I decided to start with my feet, they must be the root of the big foot delusion, and I figured once I got rid of the hair on my toes, I’d be back to a size eight woman’s shoe.

First I tried a razor. Didn’t work; couldn’t reach the roots of my leg hair.

Then I tried waxing; I couldn’t afford actual wax; so first I melted candles. That didn’t work, it couldn’t get a good grip.    Then I tried glue. I skipped the non-toxic yuppie school glue, and went to super glue.

It worked, but the tubes are so small, and the cashier at the hardware store got suspicious when I bought them out.

So I used what glue I had and made fire breaks in my leg hair, and set controlled burns with a Bic.  Then the wind changed and it spread, I panicked and ran out and set the yard on fire, then the neighbor called animal control on what she thought was a flaming grizzly cub.

Well, the fire department put me out just in time: the fire had singed all the hair off my feet.

This caused another problem: it showed my toenails.  Once the brave firemen saw my long, oddly shaped, greenish, and slightly curved toenails, they suddenly had another fire to put out that was so urgent they forgot to roll the hose up before they drove off.

Well, I knew I had to ‘clip’ my toenails, I hadn’t even known they were like this until the hair was gone.

I tried to clip them with toenail clippers, but the first pair I found broke. Then I found a sturdier pair of bolt cutters. I couldn’t cut them myself, so I had my brother help me.

It took him some struggling, but he finally snapped the toenail.  It went flying off and knocked my monitor over. Then we moved all the breakable things and finished the job.

Next, he went over to the neighbor to borrow her sheep shears.

I couldn’t go since the video of Sasquatch wearing my favorite jeans and top went viral.

After shearing me, we sold the hair and made a nice profit, and half of it went to by my brother new gloves, since he lost one trying to get to the roots of my back hair.

Gabby Fringette 5/22/13

Word constipation

By Gabby Fringette gabby in social space

Writer’s block. Every one has it at some point.

Unfortunately, unlike most blocks, this one can’t be worked out with prunes or the end of a pencil, like it was constipation or loss of appetite.

Sometimes, writer’s block can be moved, possibly to be worked out during a thank-you letter, or writing invitations.

It’s amazing what stuff comes at odd moments.

Once, while staring at “lunch” created by The Old Man, I got the idea for a poem about a living swamp that took over the world.

I have tried five wacky solutions, and none of the have turned up squat!

  1. Reading your old work, while listening to disco.
  2. Staying up until midnight staring at a picture of the alphabet.
  3. Hanging up side down from a tree while reading Shakespeare.
  4. Talking to yourself in the mirror, while painting soap flowers with your right hand behind your back. (Not the wackiest one.)
  5. Light two candles on either side of your computer for ten minutes at noon every day for a full moon.

All I got from them was messed up hair, a pixel addiction, and getting caught on camera screaming like a mad man at my reflection about what I was going to do my Gabby on.

Maybe it did work.

Is it possible I’m spiraling the drain? Nope, if I was crazy I wouldn’t consider that I was crazy.  But then, I might consider that I was crazy, just to throw every one off the track. Hmm.

Yeah, that’s writer’s block all right.

According to the book on writer’s block called

Cramps” by Professor Notta Writer of the Culinary Arts University, temporary insanity is a part of writer’s block.  She went through it while writing her book.

If the Block is strong enough, it will cause some writers to gain weight, up to twice their weight, while others have become anorexic.

 But for the most part, crazy ex writers steal cars, do extreme sports, join cults, or, worst of all, a cult of its own, become sports fans.

I have kept myself free of cars, bunjees, sacrificial goats, and giant foam gloves that have numbers printed on them.

I now know that the best remedy for writer’s block is to keep writing, trash that, write some more, cry, eat chocolate and bagels, and then finally pull a gold nugget or writing out of my computer. Unfortunately, I’m not there yet.

Gabby Fringette 5/15/13

Un-learning

By Gabby Fringette

School is out! I am determined not to use my brain until fall, and, if possible, to de-learn. I intend to forget half of what I learned last school year, my mission this year is to become stupid.

I have already memorized phrases such as: OMG, YOLO, whatever.

Unfortunately, outside forces are still trying to keep my brain working.  The TV, for an example.  Sometimes something factual comes on.  I panic, and cover my ears, but the subtitles! I still automatically read! I close my eyes, only to discover sound is leaking through my hands! So I hum Marry had a little Lamb until the learning is over.

Unfortunately, this had drawbacks.  School has been out for only a few days, and already I can’t stand Marry had a little Lamb.

By far the worst force trying to educate me is, The Old Man (dramatic chords).

He, like most old coots, spouts information, facts, and old stories like Old Faithful.

I found a solution. Whenever he starts talking, I put on my ‘listening’ face, and go to my happy place.

Mom is another story.  My mother is a mathematics “enthusiast”, and wishes to share it with us.  I can’t ignore her, because she’s mom.

But, I have coping strategies!  After a math lecture I go into my room and play on the computer while listening to popular music.

The combination of hormone driven songs, and a screen killing cells in my brain, the lecture is erased.

Unfortunately, I’m still thinking ahead.  What I’m thinking is: ‘I’m hoping my brain works by fall.’

Well, we’ll find out soon enough, now won’t we?

Gabby Fringette 5/8/13

5/8/13

Mothers’ day

By Gabby Fringette

Ah, Ma.

Ma went into the valley of death to bring me into this world.

Even if your ma isn’t actually the one who gave birth to you, she can still mean as much, if she still talks to you, helps you with your homework, feeds you, she’s still your ma.

Mothers’ day is the day of the year that we give our hard working moms’ a small token of gratitude.

This is a tribute to mom, my hard working mom, who takes care of me when I’m sick, nags me on my homework, takes away my computer when I skip my math, and generally tries to make me a better, non-slob person.

Mom can be annoying, even when she’s trying to do her best, and often when she’s doing what’s right. It seems like a pain in the butt, like when she insist I do my homework instead of creative writing, but she’s right, I can destroy pixilated villains after my science assignment.

Of course, not every thing mom does is to keep me in line, and to stop me from taking over computer game worlds.  Sometimes she gives me extra money when we go to the bakery or the candy store.  Often times, she gives us an “work free” day.

Of course, mom is her own person, she likes some candies more than others, likes different colors, and flowers.  Her tastes in movies and food often affect what we eat for dinner, and what we watch while eating it.

Don’t protest, it won’t make any difference, just learn to love tofu and British mysteries without salt or laser fire.

What to give such a generous person is hard, so this year I’m going to give her chocolate and a good grade.  She needs to know all her effort isn’t wasted.

Moms are great; they put up with so much.  I think they should have a whole week, not just a day.  Remember, all you mother’s children out there.

5/1/13

Moving

By Gabby Fringette

Moving could be dancing, but it could also mean uprooting my stuff and planting it somewhere else.

One of the worst things about moving is you can’t find half your stuff.  That’s why my sister is wearing my underwear and a clothespin;  we couldn’t even find a hair tie!

Another thing about moving is you find lots of stuff you had, but didn’t need, or want.  Now all that stuff is in bags and cluttery piles for you to deal with.  I found a consolation prize from the second grade. It was taken apart and some of the pieces were lost, gone to the Davy-Jones locker of my room.  What was the point of keeping the prize, I asked my self, they hand these things out like psyche meds. But another part of me said: it’s a small part of your child hood, blah, blah, blah. You be glad you kept it.

It turned out to be a very small part.

I don’t mean to rant and be all curmudgeonly, (of course I do, ignore her), but another thing about moving is the heating.  You don’t know if the last people in the house cleaned out the heating ducts, but it’s probably a cake of mold with a dust and cat hair frosting.  You should just naturally assume that when (if) you turn it on, it won’t go for a minute, but then hot air is going to blow it all out of the vent onto your bed and clothes.

So, until we figure out another heat system, we’ll be putting things in the fridge to keep them warm, and camping by the electric heater.

Now the good things about moving:

It’s a new adventure, your get to meet new people find cool shops, or, if you’ve moved out into the sticks, a beautiful piece of land to run around on.

Believe it or not, we need a certain amount of chaos, and moving is the right amount.

Ok, I’ve run out of nice things, now back to complaining.

I did not cover losing things well enough- wait! I found another nice thing to say! Sometimes, you lost stuff before the move, and then it turns up!

I lost a shirt eight months ago, and then as I was digging for clothes, I found my missing shirt! (And some money that was in one pocket).

Moving isn’t all bad.  Just some of it. And when you’ve settled in, every thing is a new normal again!

  #################

4/24/13

Chicken

By Gabby Fringette

The derogatory term ‘chicken’ means, cowardly, lily liver, scaredy cat.

 Real chickens are carnivorous, crafty, spry, fierce, and adaptive.

(Their Latin name is Gallus domesticus)

Why is it that being called chicken is bad? Why should it be an insult, not an honor, to be called chicken?  They move out of our way when we walk by, but humans, the smart ones, move out of the way of big-rigs when they come by.

Chickens are carnivores.  A six-foot tall chicken would look, and hunt like, a veloceraptor with a hooked beak.  Chickens are smart, when they go out and forage or hunt, the old ones lead the young ones to the best places for worms, seeds, and other morsels. The old ones know from experience where the best places for berries are, or what places creepy crawleies are most likely to be at.

Chickens are spry. Even the heaviest of the chickens can leap four feet into the air to get at some flying thing, or run fast enough to catch an escaping snack.

Chickens are fierce.  Many a time a bird has gotten caught in the chicken wire, and been torn beak to feather and eaten.  I have seen chickens with gardener snakes in their beaks.  I have also found large numbers of headless ripped up snakes.  The chickens, it seems, only want the heads of the snakes, as though it is an honor to eat the snake’s head.

Chickens are adaptive.  They can go from eating grain as a chick, to being free ranged, and they will know what to eat: every thing.

It tastes like chicken.  Every thing taste like chicken, because chickens will eat every thing.

I have known many chickens, none of them cowards. Some of them skittish and alert, some of them benign, but many were ornery, some were almost war like, some were sweet, and some were dramatic, loud and clever.

I know from experience every thing I have said in this Gabby, now being equipped with this knowledge, decide if being called ‘chicken’ means you are a coward.

##########

4/17/13

Child Free

By Gabby Fringette

The essence of living things is to reproduce.  Among human society having children is a big issue.  But, if you check the statistics, you’ll find that one in five women don’t have children by the age of forty.

There are several reasons for this:

  • Economic instability. (Not being able to find a job.)
  • Not being able to find a suitable mate.
  • The belief that one is too old (fertility in women declines after thirty-five).
  • Infertility.
  • The belief that one will be a crummy parent.
  • Disgust or fear of pregnancy or child birth.
  • The belief that it’s wrong to bring a child into this world.
  • Doesn’t want the problem or turmoil of kids.
  • It costs $390,000 to raise one child from birth to eighteen.

Back in the 70’s one woman out of ten did not have children.  In the 70’s most women were still married, and the men were the main providers, his job paying for food and the car and the house, and the woman often got a part time job, paying for vacations and holidays and birthdays.

In day-to –day life, childless people are as happy or happier than parents. But, looking back, parents were more satisfied and fulfilled than people without children.

There are seven billion people on earth, right now.

4/10/13

Standardize testing

By Gabby Fringette

This week I’ve joined hundreds of thousands of kids all over the U.S in taking standardized tests.  For three days, stuck in a strage class room, with a bunch of other kids. I’m probably going to get a head cold. Why? Funding. The state measures the schools by how the kids did in the tests, and then they decide how much money to give the schools.

This is not the only standardized test.  There is the SAT, which is an empty acronym.   The SAT determines where you place in the competition for a place in collage.

But how does that measure who we are?  What does that say about us? How does it label us? A kid smarter than the teacher could fall prey to the traps set in the test, and do badly, but an average kid could just be so good at guessing and estimating, and pass the test with flying colors.

I have here an example from practice tests.  The practice test are made up from standardized test questions from years past.

This is one from a fifth grade science book.

For which of the following do many plants depend on animals?

  1. seed dispersal
  2. food
  3. shelter
  4. photosynthesis

What do you think the answer is?

Well, I was angry, confused, and cursing when I found out the answer was C.

Critics of standardized testing say that it’s not an effective measurement of how smart a student is, it requires no thinking or creative ability.

The high-stakes testing is having negative affects on many students, teachers have seen them do things like: crying, vomiting, and being violent to others.

Although, there are some who say that standardized testing seems to work, the only way they can measure it is with a standardized test.

It’s not a great idea, it labels us like cows, but that’s just my opinion.

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4/3/13

Barking at the ants

By Gabby Fringette

The Old Man made vegetable soup last night, and it got me thinking about vomit.

 Warning, educational content; may cause sickness.

How about a language class? Here’s how to say ‘vomit’ in four different languages:

  • French; vomir
  • German; erbrechen
  • Italian; vomitare.
  • Latin; vomo.

The word ‘vomit’ is both a verb and a noun.

The scientific term for vomit is ‘emesis.’

Vomiting is the expulsion of stomach content through mouth and nose. Frequent or unexplained vomiting can be cause for medical concern.

Some times once one person barfs, others do too.  This is known as sympathetic barfing, or chain barfing.

Classifying barf

There are different kinds of barfing. There is the thick stuff that’s rich in chunks, the stuff that qualifies as ‘Technicolor yawn’.  Then there is the acidic watery stuff, that’s ‘nostril sauce’.

Then there is the dry heaves.  You heave and heave but nothing comes. Then you heave more. That is the ‘heave’ or the ‘gale force burp’.

There are so many phrases and names for vomit, I only have room for the cream of the yodeled groceries.

Now let’s get descriptive!

  • Toss your cookies
  • Blow chunks
  • Spew
  • Hurl
  • Heave
  • Technicolor yawn
  • Yodel groceries
  • Bow to the porcelain god
  • Chow shower
  • Doing the hoaky choaky
  • Gale force burp
  • Nostril sauce
  • Gush
  • Barf
  • Loose you lunch
  • Feed the chickens
  • Bark at the ants.  My favorite.

No thanks necessary thank The Old Man’s soup.

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3/27/13

Easter fools

By Gabby Fringette

April fools day and Easter are close together, and I wanted to do write them both.  I have come up with the solution. I will combine the holidays, to create Easter fools; and I have Easter pranks!

First I have a non-Easter prank. Very funny.

All you need is T.P (toilet paper, non-used, this is an all ages approved prank,) non-toxic wash-off glue, and a shoe some one is going to wear later  (preferably a nice shoe).  Use about five squares of T.P and glue one end to the underside of the shoe, and then stuff the other end under the front of the shoe so they don’t notice.  Ha ha ha! What a dork!

Now I have an Easter prank to play on the organizationally obsessed.  This is a nerd prank taught to me by my mother.

When someone is not using the computer, go and change it’s settings, and desktop to Easter-y things, then, if possible, change the screen lock password to ‘April fools’.

Now I have another non-Easter prank:

Wait until some one is boiling water, then when they leave the room turn another burner on, and move the pot, then go to them and say: “your water is boiling all over the stove”.

When they say the water’s not boiling all over the stove, say: “yes it is, it was just boiling over here.”

I have one last prank:

On April Fools day, take one plastic egg, put garlic chunks or other stinky things in it, and give it to the prankee, telling him or her you found it from yesterday.

Happy Easter Fools day every one!

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3/20/13

Spring!

By Gabby Fringette

That’s right, today is the first day of spring, when all the snow magically melts and the flowers bloom, the days grow warm, and all the birds have chicks.

Spring is the time when you can go out side in a T-shirt and snow boots, when a light jacket is recommended.  The air is clear and the land has been purged after cold temperatures and moisture.

Winter is nature’s cleaning lady, she’s cold, and dangerous if you’re not careful.

But spring, spring is the best friend who comes over after the cleaning lady so you can take back the place, then blame it on summer and fall, spring’s sisters.

Spring, though, is when things happen.  People are no longer kept inside by the elements, there is enough snow left for winter activities, but it’s warm enough for every one.  Spring is when people shake off the last of the cabin fever, and get to know each other again.

Spring is therapeutic.

If you live with lots of snow, the change from winter to spring can be almost surreal.

The streams are breaking through, and crisscrossing where ever they please, and whole islands can be created inside streams, the water is cold but the dirt is wet and warm, and there are caps of snow on the islands, melting.  The trees and white thorn are green, but the snow still clings to them.   Wherever there is ground; grass is growing on it, fighting the snow.  The first plants are cut down by late frosts, but then they win.

Things lost to the snow start peeking out, while others are still in twisted pillars, where the snow has melted and sunk down.  This contrast creates a mystical wonderland, till’ the sun kills the great still beasts of snow and summer-like temperatures cover the land.

Till’ fall, that is.

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3/13/13

The hero’s journey

By Gabby Fringette

A hero’s journey is where the hero under goes a life change.  Most often the hero puts his neck on the line for a larger cause, but always the hero grows as person.

Joseph Campbell gave the idea of the hero’s journey to us.

Thanks, dude.

The hero encounters many characters.  There are six character archetypes,

Protagonist (hero), nemesis (enemy), Atracttor (love interest, trickster (friend-enemy), and mentor (teacher), and magical friend (person who helps the hero, but doesn’t tech him, or turn him in to the enemy).

This is what happens on a hero’s journey:

The hero lives in his or her (let’s just call the hero ‘the hero’) world, but something is missing, or the hero is uncomfterble, or has to hide something.  Then something happens, and the hero starts on the journey.  It could be something like a war breaks out and the hero is drafted, or the hero could just be a chess whiz, but has to cope with his empathy if the hero wants to win.  Then the hero either refuses, or goes.  But, if the hero is going to be a hero, then the hero goes one way or another.  Then the hero meets the teacher, and the love interest.  Now the love interest isn’t exclusively a possible mate, the love interest could just be a friend or a loved one, some one who the hero wants to protect.  The teacher and/or the atracttor could be some one the hero has known his/her whole life, or it could be some one he just met.  Sometimes the enemy is not apparent until the end of the journey.  But, the enemy, the atracttor, the mentor, the trickster, the magical friend, they are all hero’s in their own stories.  Then the New World, the strange world that the hero has his challenges in. Next, the hero (the one we are focusing on) has his tests, tests that will prepare the hero, ones that will see if the hero is worthy.  Then the approach to the inmost challenge.  The one that will change the hero for good.  Each hero had his/hers.  Luke Skywalker’s was the destruction of the Death star, Katniss Everdeen had fooling the Capitol with the berries, Odyssey had taking back his home, and Dorothy had escaping the Witch. After that is the death and resurrection.  The death of the old self, and the resurrection of the new self.  Sometimes it is literally a death and resurrection, like when Jason got eaten by the dragon, and he was brought back to life.  Then there is the road back. This in when the hero reflects on every thing that has happened.  Then the return.  The Old World is strange to the hero, it is different, but now the hero has unity.  The hero is the hero’s true self.

 It’s a hero’s journey when you go to college, because part of your old world leaves you.  When you become a parent, you become a mentor, and that is a hero’s journey too.

Every one has hero’s journeys, big ones and small ones; you have had hero’s journeys in your life.

3/6/13

Electromagnetic pulse

By Gabby Fringette

Electromagnetic pulses happen all the time.  When you turn on or off a light, or an appliance, like a toaster or dryer.  Those are tiny.  They can also be caused by nature.  The sun makes them, and the sun makes them huge.  A massive one in 1859 caused all the telegraph lines in the world to go haywire. The sparks caused the telegraph paper to start on fire, and a few telegraph operators were electrocuted.

If that happened today every electronic on the planet, and in the space around the planet, would stop functioning. This would be a good thing.

Here’s why:

  1. Most Americans are illiterate without a computer.  This change would cause us to read and write on paper. It’s good for us.
  2. We have grown lazy, and stupid. If we had to do things without help of computers and appliance, we would probably be smarter, and we would learn how to get off of our butts.
  3. This one is the biggest reason. The probable destruction of the government.  There is no place to hide on earth, and probably most of the inner solar system. The government is watching us, and have absolute control over us.   They know I wrote this, and they are watching you read it.

Did I mention we are almost due for an electromagnetic pulse?

Ok, now for the cons list.

1. Ok, most Americans don’t know how to survive on their own, and a lot of hospitals will go down, and the cities are so packed, there will be rioting, and about 70% of Americans will die in the first year.

2. America is large, and will probably split up into many smaller countries, maybe not a bad thing, but you can count on war between them.

Is it bad or good? Well that depends on if you live in a city or not.

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2/27/13

Critical thinking

By Gabby Fringette

Thinking is a mental calculation. There it the basic kind of thinking: naïve, where you make no distinction between emotion and thought. Critical thinking has two kinds:

Selfish critical, where you passionately challenge the other argument, and fair minded or objective critical thinking.

This kind of thinking challenges all premises, and thinks about it dispassionately.  Since ‘passionately’ means ‘with passion’ or strong feeling, ‘dispassionately’ means ‘without passion’.   Passion affects arguments and choices, so when looking for the best solutions, use critical thinking, not naïve thinking.

Now that we know this, we need to have an argument to put it to.  I think it should be breast-feeding in public.  Every so often some poor woman’s baby gets hungry in a public place, so she feeds her baby the way nature intended.  From her body, with breast milk. There is nothing wrong with her, it just the culture insisting that breasts are bad.  Lets look at the facts: corporations make millions off of cloths to make women more appealing.  They even sell slutty clothes to young girls.

The breast is out only a split second, and even then, the baby, who is using the breast for it’s main purpose, covers it, leaving everything to the imagination.

It won’t scar any one for life.  Boys will see many breasts in their life, and women have breasts, so seeing one under a hungry baby won’t hurt them.  Logically, it should be O.K for a woman to feed her child in public.

Can you tell if that argument was selfish critical thinking or fair minded critical thinking?

2/20/13

Chocolate blues

By Gabby Fringette

Recently I have been trying to save money, and this means cutting out chocolate.

It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but believe me, the chocolate I buy is no chocolate chip, not by a long shot.  The chocolate I buy is hand crafted by little old ladies in the back of the shop.  If that isn’t enough, try to imagine how it tastes.  The dark chocolate is so rich that at first my head buzzes.  The chocolate melts like butter in my mouth, releasing the rich chocolate flavor, often with a little cinnamon in it.  It tastes like a sun ray in the dark.

But of course this has it’s con as well as its pros.  Am I setting myself up for a life of drug addiction?  I don’t think so, but isn’t that what drug addicts say?

But on the other hand, if I avoid foods that I like, such as fine cheese, salami, chocolate, olives, things like that, I’ll wind up being a Nun.

There’s nothing wrong with being a Nun, I’m sure it’s fine, if it’s not me who’s the Nun.

Chocolate also has many healthy things.  It helps when you have a migraine, and it prevents many diseases. So chocolate is good for me.  Of course, that might be my inner drug addict talking!!

Probably not though.  Its good to have a little indulgence, and I think, if I keep it to chocolate, I’ll be fine.  Besides, I have enough money, I will let my self go, and have a little chocolate.

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2/13/13

Valentines Day

By Gabby Fringette

Saint Valentine was a celibate Roman Catholic saint, who died on the 14th of February. Now he is the patron of lovers. He was celibate, and today’s Valentine’s day is about lovers, so how did that happen?

As if that’s not odd enough, we are actually celebrating on the day of his death with chocolate and flowers.  Any body see what’s wrong with the picture?

I’m not dissing St. Valentine’s day, I think it’s a nice thought, except for the part where we totally forget what its about and go on to impressing possible mates.  Maybe we can put that on a different day, maybe in May.  There are more flowers in May, and it sounds nicer than February.

Another item on my agenda is hearts. Not the vital organ that pumps blood, but the symbol of childish crushes.

The one that looks like this:

Clip Art of Two Red Hearts

It looks like the silhouette of boob, and it you turn it upside down, it looks like the silhouette of a woman’s butt.  I suppose that it is a fitting symbol for love. A butt.

Now for the last item on the agenda.  Flowers.

Yes, I know, they are pretty elegant, a symbol of nature, blah blah, etc etc. What they really are is plant genitals.  You see, they hold the plant’s reproductive organs, the lovely blossoms and scent are to attract bees to pollinate them.  Again, not an unfitting symbol for love.

Happy Valentine’s day.

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2/6/13

Neanderthal Genes

By Gabby Fringette

A lot of people think all Neanderthals have died out. That might not be exactly true.

There were many branches of humanoids around the time Homo sapiens left Africa.  They would have come across other tribes of humanoids. They would have fought, traded, and inter-bred.

We are not purely Homo sapiens today, we have Neanderthal, and Denisoavan genes. (The Denisoavan are another form of humanoid we thought were completely extinct, they are not exactly human, or Neanderthal, and have many DNA traits that are unique to that variety of humanoids).

How often did Neanderthals and human party? Only about one hybrid birth per thirty years in a given area.

Almost all people of European decent have some Neanderthal blood, because human and Neanderthal clans met up in most of southern Europe.

Of course, the humans, Neanderthals, and Denisoavans all came from a common ancestor in Africa, they just left at different times, and different places, and evolved to survive there.

The Denisoavans weren’t in Europe, but in many island places, so today many humans of island decent may have up to 5% Denisoavan DNA.

The DNA of living Europeans and Asians is 2.5% Neanderthal.

This isn’t very much, so scientists think that human-Neanderthal relations didn’t happen too much.

There are certain diseases that people with Neanderthal DNA can resist.   The same goes for those with Denisoavan heritage.  There are kind of a lot of gaps, but it is still possible that people have physical traits because of the presence, or lack of, Neanderthal or Denisoavan DNA.

Ladies, this is why you have five a clock shadow in your arm pits.

This is backed up by logic, and the studies of Geneticist Dave Reich.

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1/30/13

This thing called love

By Gabby Fringette

What is love? On TV women doll them selves up, men spend money, people fret about relationships, and do very stupid things.

Love is a collection of feelings and desires, and anyone, of any age, can fall in love.

Why do we do it, and how does it happen?

We fall in love so that we make more babies, if we didn’t there would be no humans.  So yeah for love.

Love is part lust, which is caused by the brain chemicals, that are released when we see or think about someone we like. Dopamine, which is released when we do drugs, see someone we like, or eat something tasty.  There is also adrenaline, which is released when we run, fight, or have sexual activity, like kissing, cuddling, or sex. The last one is seritones, that chemical is responsible for human doing stupid things when we’re in love.  There are two others, oxytocin, it’s in breast milk, but it also helps bonding.  The last one is vasopression, which is what forms long term relationships.  It all falls into mate selection.

People choose mates that are attractive and have good body symmetry, and over all health, that’s why shiny hair and white teeth are important.

Women look for men with resources, and men look for women who are attractive, and young.

Next is children.  Sex is necessary for the bearing of children, but not for raising children.

Humans spend a short time in the womb, but have a long childhood.  This is because our brains are large.

Society tries to find ways of making sure the children are provided for, and one of those ways is marriage.

Marriage is social, sometimes religious, and always legal.

In the U.S both men and women can choose whom they marry, but in many Asian and Middle Eastern countries, there are still arranged marriages, they believe that love will grow over time.

I think that this is a fitting Gabby, being so close to Valentine’s Day.

And remember: any one can fall in love.

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1/23/13

Low wages and hypertension

By Gabby Fringette

When you think ‘hypertension’, you tend to think older men.

But people, especially women, between 25 and 44, whose salary is at the low end of the pay scale, tend to have hypertension as well.

Hypertension affects 1-in-3 adults.  $90 billion per year is spent on hypertension medication, missed work days, and disability.  Hypertension also increases the risk of heart attack and stroke; both are leading causes of death, and disability.   Hypertension occurs when the force of circulating blood against artery walls is too high, this often happens when someone is stressed.

There was a study in 1999, and it was determined that a ten percent increase in the pay, would reduce the amount of hypertension cases by 132,000.  There were 110 million (working for $2.38 to $77 per hour) workers between the ages of 25 and 65, and if the wages were doubled there would be a 16% reduction in hypertension for males, and a 35% reduction for women.

 In this study they found that being female or in the 25 to 44 age group you would be more likely to have hypertension, it was made worse by high alcohol content, or diabetes.  They found that women were more likely to report a health problem than men, so maybe there were more men with hypertension.

There is a cost of health for cheap work. All workers should have fair wages.

The study’s co-author was Juan Du, the study was funded in part by the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health (grants R01 H008248-01 and U54 OH007550-11).

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1/16/13

Wasted Food

By Gabby Fringette

Today there are seven billion people in the world.  One in seven are under nourished, many in Third World countries. Many in America are malnourished too.  People here seem to have too much food.

There is a common that we are running out of food, and have been for years.

Well, the Americans sure are taking it lightly.

About half the food produced in America is wasted.  Some of it disappears in the manufacturing process.  The process of getting the food to the people is flawed, the machinery could spill the food, or shipping could take to long, or pests could get in the food.

But a large part of it, maybe 30% of the food in the U.S is wasted at the plate.

Super markets and buffets waste huge amounts of food.  The food is almost perfect, only a little past the date. I’m sure the starving children in Africa would like that food.

The average American throws away a lot of food as well, they throw away leftovers instead of eating them the next day, and let food go over the date in the fridge.

Even more is wasted if you count the amount of excess calories Americans eat. Today, the average is about 1,400 calories per person.  That’s five hundred more than in the 70’s. Humans were fine then, weren’t we?

If we went by a 900-calorie diet, then there are more than 100,000,000,000 excess calories in the U.S. that would feed millions of people in third world countries. (Information from Treehugger)

Here are graph on how much we waste, in booth food and water. (Also from Treehugger)

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1/9/13

The odd and the clumsy

By Gabby Fringette

Adam Lanza, the young man who shot 28 teachers and students, including his mother, in Sandy Hook was described by people who knew him to be socially clumsy and “odd”. Asperger’s is a cognitive disorder that may cause a person to seem socially clumsy.  We don’t know if Adam Lanza was diagnosed with Asperger’s, but his behavior was like that of people with Aperger’s Syndrome.

Four people per thousand, may be diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome, considered to be an Autism Spectrum disorder.  People with AS are described as intelligent but have trouble with emotions.  Many people with AS and not only socially clumsy but are physically clumsy, too.  this means they are not good at sports, and not popular at school.

It is not a mental illness, it is a developmental disorder, does not make them violent to others. There is no danger from interacting with people who have Asperger’s. In fact, they may more often be victims of violence because they are ostracized.

Hasn’t this caused enough sadness? Aren’t we just prolonging the tragedy by singling out socially the kids who are already getting picked on?

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1/2/13

365 Day Fix

By Gabby Fringette

A New Year, 365, chances for someone to do something right.

For the world:

  1. I want Monsanto to go out of business, it destroys small farms.  And its Round-up ready food is poisonous.
  2. I want people to stop using oil, and start using Eco friendly things, like Hemp oil and solar panels.
  3. If there are any GMO foods left at the end of the year, (which there shouldn’t be), I want them to be labeled.

For the United States:

  1. I want Republicans to leave women alone on reproductive rights, its her choice, not theirs.
  2. I want the rich to pay more taxes and the money used to create public jobs and maybe there would be a little less crime.
  3. I want clothing and makeup companies to stop telling girls which mini skirts are cool and how much mascara is the right amount.
  4. I want homosexuals to have the right to marry.
  5. Artificially flavored soda should be off the market, and so should soda that has artificial sweetener.

For me:

  1. I want to get a perfect score on the STAR test.
  2.  I want to increase my math scores.

With any luck, at least 4 of those should come through.  I think that at least 1, 9 and 10 might pull through.

Have a happy New Year!

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12/26/12

Resolution

By Gabby Fringette

It’s the end of 2012, and it’s time to think up more New Year’s resolutions.

But what exactly is a New Year’s resolution?

A New Year’s resolution is when you are going to change you bad habit for a good one, or to change something about your self that you don’t like.  For an example, say your resolution is to give up candy. Simple enough, get rid of the candy in your house, and don’t buy more.  But suppose you got to a Valentines Day party of an Easter thing, and there are bowls of candy there.   If you have a strong will you can resist?  But if you really want a piece, you start thinking, what’s the harm? It’s only a little candy.  Why am I doing this any way? What’s the reward? To this I say, this can be your reward, eat a bag of chips!  Okay, something about that tells me I’m not getting it.

I’m going to tell you the number one reason people’s New Year resolutions fail; they don’t want to change.  We are comfortable with our selves; we don’t like to change.

There are many kinds of resolutions, impossible to keep, like not going sunbathing if you live near the beaches of southern California.  Then there is the 50/50 chance of crashing and burning, like giving up eating oatmeal cookies.

Then there are the fool proof ones, like giving up eating squid.  Then there are the ones I like to call illusion resolutions.  They seem easy, like giving up buying 5$ movies at some big department store, but it turns out to be hard, especially if you looking for a cheap gift or you see a movie you thought was funny, or a movie you heard very good things about.

I have one resolution, I will stop eating Buttermints. Their really only around at the very beginning and the end of the year, but the temptation is so great that I crack under pressure.

We’ll see how long it lasts.

Have a merry day after Christmas and a happy new year!

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12/19/12

Grapefruit over Dose

By Gabby Fringette

The citric fruit, very healthy food, orange juice and grapefruit are popular breakfast foods: lemonade, the American classic, and limes, drenching salsa with their sour zesty juice, don’t even forget key lime pie.

But despite all the good things about citric fruit, in particular grapefruit, they react badly with eighty-five prescription drugs. From birth control to cancer prevention, about 43 of the 85 drugs are very dangerous when combined with grapefruit.

The affect differs from drug to drug.  Some of them, it had no effect on others, it causes them to work less efficiently.  But some are more dangerous.  Causing things from hypertension to death.

The amount of grapefruit also has an effect. There is a big difference between the occasional small piece of grapefruit and eating a grapefruit every day.

What causes the reaction is an enzyme that deals with processing the drug in your liver and an enzyme in the citric messes it up.

 Here are some things that someone taking any of the 85 drugs should know.

  1. You can’t simply take the drug and eat citric at different times, you must avoid citric the entire duration you are taking the drug, and have it in your system.
  2. There are different siverities of the affect, and that also depends on the amount of citric.
  3. If you can’t live without grapefruit, talk to your doctor before going off of a drug!

Here are all 85 drugs that react to citric Drug Interactions

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12/12/12

Death by Doctor

By Gabby Fringette

Of all the things people in the US die of, doctors are the third most common cause of death.

Compared to other industrial countries we don’t rate that well. That’s compared to countries like Japan. We are rated for the following:

    13th (last) for low-birth-weight percentages

    13th for neonatal mortality and infant mortality overall

    11th for postneonatal mortality

    13th for years of potential life lost (excluding external causes)

    3rd for life expectancy at 80 years for females, 3rd for males

    10th for age-adjusted mortality.

Its not the people them selves, individually we have pretty good health.  For example, one source points out that American women don’t smoke more than the Danes, who have better health outcomes.  American men smoke much less than the Japanese, who also have better health outcomes.  We rank fifth lowest for alcohol consumption, and fifth lowest for the consumption of animal fats for men 55 to 64, a key age period for heart disease.

There is only one viable answer. The doctors.

I mean, it’s probably not intentional.

There are 700,000 Doctors in the US.

There are 7,000 deaths caused by over medication and mediation errors. (Don’t you think that’s a viable statistic? Every time you go to the doc it seems like he prescribes you something new.)

 Another 12,000 deaths are caused by unnecessary surgery.

After that, 120,000 deaths are caused by infection, because the doctors didn’t wash their hands, or used dirty tools, and medical error because they weren’t following procedure.

 Sources agree160,000 deaths are caused by negative reactions to medication.

Yikes! Doctors are dangerous.

They are way more dangerous than gun owners are.  There are 80 million gun owners in the US, and there are only 1,500 gun deaths per year.

Compare that to the doctor statistics.

Still think it’s so nice your friend’s son is a doctor?

We should all eat an apple every day.

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12/5/12

I’m Not Gonna Put any Thing Off -starting tomorrow
By Gabby Fringette

Have you ever had a deadline that seemed far enough away to put it off till’ tomorrow? It happens all the time. But after your days of fun, when you wake up Tomorrow, the deadline will hit you with full force, demanding to be honored.

This is called ‘procrastination’. It means, basically, putting this off until tomorrow.  My dad also calls this ‘FO’ which means effing off.
I do it all the time, my folks do it all the time, but we find procrastination is less fun when the deadline is up.
Here are a few scenarios for you:

1: you need to get a birthday present for your foul-mouthed, beer drinking, motorcycle riding grandma, who is turning 98.
You put if off until the day of the party, and swing by the drug store and buy her an over priced tacky coffee mug.
You get to the party and realize you forgot to wrap it. So when you get there you peel the paper off of the side of a larger, better thought out gift (which was from your sister), and more-or-less wrap the cheap gift you got her.
Grandma is not pleased and curses you out, and having drunk a little too much, she threatened to leave you out of her will if you get her any thing less than a case of beer.

2: even simple chores can be a hassle, like removing a bowl of half eaten noodles from your room.
Every time my mom told me to take them from my room, I always said, ‘sure, in a minute.’  That minute turned into an hour and that hour turned to a day.  Two weeks later, I had to do something else I had been avoiding till the last minute, and while I was looking for the science book, I found the bowl of…noodles?  I was about to remove the bowl, (any thing was better than that science assignment), when I picked up the bowl, I heard thousands of tiny voices screaming in terror.  What could I do but enter the bowl instead of the boring science report. I’ll admit that time it worked in my favor, but it usually doesn’t, for example, the co-co cheese stained the cup.

Starting tomorrow, I will do things right away instead of putting them off.

11/28/12

Weird Stuff

By Gabby Fringette

A collection of more-or-less categorized and aptly named ‘weird stuff.’

But there are also three ‘red herrings.’  See if you can spot them.

State and government weird stuff:

1. Benjamin Franklin gave guitar lessons

2. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

3. Minnesota has 99 lakes named Mud Lake

4. It is Alaska law that you cannot look at a moose from an airplane

5. It is Kentucky law that you have to bathe at least once a year

Animal oddities:

1.A gozzard is a person who owned geese

2.By the time you say ’30,000 puppies,’ 30,000 puppies will have been born

3. The preying mantis male cannot mate with his head on, so a female rips his head of before they mate

4. A female starfish must consume up to three times her weight before mating.

Feed and health:

1.When Heinz catsup leaves the bottle it travels 25 feet per second

2.Pound per pound, a hamburger costs more than a new car

3.Eating half an orange a day will reduce your chance of a heart attack by 50%

4.Eating lemons makes you live longer

5. 64% of Americans won’t tell a friend if they have spinach in their teeth.

Random oddballs

1.The electric chair was invented by a dentist

2.If you refrigerate rubber bands they last longer
3.The term “the whole 9 yards” came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got “the whole 9 yards.”

The red herrings were: number 5 of ‘feed and health’ number 4 of ‘animal oddities’ and number 2 of ‘ state and government’.

Yeah, I would have thought the moose law and the bath law, but no.

Bye!

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11/21/12

A Chocolate Nobel Prize

By Gabby Fringette

Yes, this can mean only good if it has chocolate and Nobel Prizes.

I read this article the other day, about the chocolate consumption of countries, and how many Nobel Prize winners they had.  The study showed that the countries with the highest yearly chocolate consumption had the most Nobel Prize winners. Yeah! Now, it didn’t state what kinds of Nobel Prizes, and it’s possible it was a Prize for chocolate consumption.

Unfortunately, there was no data on the chocolate consumption of the Nobel Prize winners.

Still though, there is hope for children with candy liberal parents. (Hint, hint, Mom; your daughter a Nobel Prize winner!).

Chocolate has been proven to be healthy, and it does have bio flavinods that are useful to the forming of a healthy brain.  Even if you are an adult, you are learning new things.  It just gets a little harder for your brain as you get older.

And if you eat good chocolate to help your brain stay healthy, since your older, your brain can understand things easier than if you were very young, so, it could be believable that you would be smarter.

But even so, this may be one of the times when it’s better to start when you’re young.

Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do.  If this is correct, when I eat more chocolate, my grades should go up.

Then I’ll get a Nobel Prize.

I’ll be the first one to decode Hen Speak. I already know the difference between the ‘I laid an egg ‘ song and the ‘something startled me’ alarm.

Back on topic, I’m going to point out some flaws of the study.  Maybe the countries were very large and that’s why there was such a large chocolate consumption.  In such a big country, there is bound to be a couple of Nobel Prize winners. Maybe it is a coincidence.  Also: countries that can afford larger chocolate consumption are more likely to have more universities, so more Nobel Prize winners.

So in conclusion, chocolate is probably somewhat good for you, but maybe this whole this is ‘causation correlation’ mistake.

Enjoy your brain healthy chocolate.

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